While many parents assume that bullying is a problem confined to middle school or high school, it can begin as early a kindergarten and become firmly seeded in a school culture by the second or third grade.
If you are a parent faced with bullying, you need to take a firm stance so that the behavior is stopped before it becomes a de facto part of a child's school life.
The definition is simple: bullying is any aggressive behavior designed to intimidate or torment.
It can be physical, such as pushing or hitting, or verbal, such as name-calling or spreading gossip. In younger children, bullying can also include exclusion, either by urging others to ostracize an individual or by forming cliques to which others are conspicuously excluded.
While cyberbullying may be less prevalent in younger school children, the same behaviors that govern online bullying are played out in real life.
The statistics are dismaying. According to research published in the journal BMC Public Health, as many as 13 percent of children in kindergarten and elementary school are victims of bullying, while 11 percent admit to being a bully. An additional four percent can be described as victim-bullies, a great many of whom will become bullies in later life as a misguided form of self-protection.
Why Kids Bully
The kids most commonly targeted by bullies are those with a disability, who are obese, or are less adept at schoolwork or making friends.
In order to establish social dominance, a bully will often need little more than an unusual name to target a child for abuse, often under the guise of teasing. Other children, meanwhile, will take part, either because they are eager for social acceptance or fearful of ostracization themselves.
In the end, children will attack the same things that many adults do, namely behaviors, beliefs, or characteristics which stand out and challenge a social order to which person believes he or she is a part.
Fear of the unusual can sometimes lead children to exhibit aggressive behaviors to hide insecurities that they themselves do not understand. Such behaviors may be reinforced by parents who exhibit the same biases or use aggression as a means of dealing with conflict.
What Parents Can Do
Rather than dismissing schoolyard bullying as "a phase" that children will eventually outgrow, parents have the unique opportunity to alter these behaviors by helping young children overcome the very fears, anxieties, and insecurity that place them at risk.
There are six things you can do to help:
- Stay connected with your child. The more you know about your child's classmates and school life, the more likely you will be to spot any changes the child's demeanor or interactions. This includes both the child being bullied and the child who is bullying. Make a point of discussing the events of the day every day, and pay attention to not only what the child says but what he or she may be avoiding in conversation.
- Look for the warning signs. If a child is a victim of bullying, the first warning sign will usually a change in behavior. This may include withdrawing, exhibiting sudden aggression or anger, misbehaving, or being reluctant to go the school. If your child is a bully, the clues may be harder to pick up, but it is not uncommon to hear the bully make disparaging and boastful remarks about others, often without realizing how unkind the behavior is.
- Explain what bullying is. Young children understand that hitting or pushing another child is wrong. Even teasing is something they instinctively know is hurtful. But kids can be both sophisticated and unsophisticated in their approach to these behaviors. On the one hand, they can dismiss teasing as "just kidding around" and, on the other, fail to comprehend how other hurtful behaviors like exclusion can be. Help your child understand bullying in all its forms, both direct and subtle.
- Teach a child empathy. Young children have the unique talent of making connections. Unlike adults, who are able to navigate conflict and justify ill behaviors, kids who are five, six, or seven see action and consequence in a more straightforward way. If your child is a bully, ask how he or she would feel if the shoe were on the other foot. If your child is being bullied, help them understand why some kids misbehave can effectively "take them off the hook" and confirm that they are neither strange nor blameworthy.
- Tell a child what to do if he or she witnesses bullying. Children will often not want to get involved if someone else is being bullied out of fear of reprisal. Teach them how not acting is essentially the same as approving of the behavior. A child should understand that reporting a bully is not "tattling" but merely a way to stop others from getting hurt. Let your child know that he or she should report any such behavior to you or a teacher so that an adult can intervene.
- Lead by example. Many parents do not take bullying seriously enough and will dismiss some behaviors as being "not as bad" as others. Do not allow yourself to be swayed by these arguments. If such behaviors are ignored, young children will believe that they have been given tacit permission to bully. Even things like exclusion can be acted upon by teachers by breaking up groups, pairing kids who don't interact with school projects and regularly changing classroom seating.
As a parent, do not accept that nothing can be done. The greatest opportunity for change is not in high school when social dynamics are set; it's in kindergarten and elementary school when behaviors and personalities are still evolving.
If school officials fail to act, voice your concerns to the parent-teacher association or file a formal complaint with the local school board. Include a detailed outline of the bullying events and any other information that may support your claims. In the end, how you act can determine whether a child is allowed to suffer in silence.
Jansen, P.; Verlinden, M.; Dommisse van-Berkel, A. et al. "Prevalence of bullying and victimization among children in early elementary school: Do family and school neighborhood socioeconomic status matter?"BMC Public School. 2012; 12:494. DOI: 10.1186/1471-2458-12-494.
What Can We Do to Stop Bullying? Essay
531 Words3 Pages
Bullying is not only a topic, but it is an action. An action in which is seen by many everyday within school systems, business offices, or on the streets. It is everywhere and has become part of the everyday environment. More often then not, bullying occurs greatly within local school systems, where it has come to the extent of having individuals remove themselves from the environment over bullying. Bullying can happen in many ways whether it be race, gender, religion, sexual orientation, and the list goes on. It is not something that can be pushed away any longer. Why should children be punished from there education due to another individual? Exactly, there is no reasonable explanation. Within the school systems today, the thought of…show more content…
Bullying is not only a topic, but it is an action. An action in which is seen by many everyday within school systems, business offices, or on the streets. It is everywhere and has become part of the everyday environment. More often then not, bullying occurs greatly within local school systems, where it has come to the extent of having individuals remove themselves from the environment over bullying. Bullying can happen in many ways whether it be race, gender, religion, sexual orientation, and the list goes on. It is not something that can be pushed away any longer. Why should children be punished from there education due to another individual? Exactly, there is no reasonable explanation. Within the school systems today, the thought of bullying is plastered around the building and on doors about how this school is a safe place for everyone and that it’s a bully free zone and it’s not. Teachers need to take a stand and this bullying now. There is no time to wait. On occasion, stories have been brought about on how this individual has dropped out of school because of the amount of weight this individual had portrayed. Another, an individual returning home, in tears, over being tortured for six long hours on the color of their skin. Why should this be fair to anyone? It’s not. It is seen by many and nothing is done about. It is blown off as if it doesn’t even exist. No one is to be blamed for what bullying has been done. Yet, there is a way to put an end behind all of this.